I’ve looked for myself
in all the strange guises—

In Barbie bodies,
academic minds,
fashion ads,
CEO women,
and Instagram lifestyles;

In goddess lore,
tarot archetypes,
historic traditions,
religious rites,
and spiritual gurus;

In family culture,
artistic passions,
health trends,
fitness challenges,
and home decor;

In free-range wanderlust,
birth-set astrology,
synchronous signs,
exotic dreams,
and the sway of trees
when the wind asks them to bend.

I’ve peeked in every clue-filled book
that called me to search its pages.

I’ve dug beneath rocks
others warned me
not to pick up
because they feared
where I might throw the stone.

I’ve combed possibilities
that scared or excited or bored
or repulsed or amused me.

But no peel-and-stick label fits right.

I need room to change
my mask again and again
like a photo overlay,
to shape shift or reincarnate
from one moment to the next,
undefined,
except in the vast stillness
of being.

I understand now
the magic namelessness
in saying
I am what I am.

When a locked door
Has thwarted you
For so long,
The turn of the key
And its loud click
May startle you
Like the miracle
It is.
You may stand
In the open doorway
Hesitant
With wonder,
Pausing before
You take a step
Into your shifted future.
That moment
Is your prayer
Of gratitude and hope,
Whether you give it
Words or not.

Next life,
Though I’ve joked
That Karma will make me
A beetle,
I’m requesting houseplant.
The stillness
Would be paradise,
Especially if I can
Chill in a hammock
All day
Every day.

Our ideals chase reality
As if it were any more possible
To pin down than a wave
That turns and chases back,
And we wonder what was the use
Of dreaming big.
What was the use of thinking
We could change the way things are?
You can be angry at reality,
Disappointed and bitter,
You can dig your heels into the sinking floor
And say no to what is
Flooding the very foundation
You stand on,
Or you can laugh at it,
Run with it,
And dream anyway,
Letting both real and ideal
Shape you like ripples on the sand.
Reality transforms
As we transform ourselves
In meeting it.

Sometimes leaving is brave,
Recognizing that the thing
You thought you loved is
Incongruous with your heart
And that your buried sadness
Can be over.

It’s courageous and scary and freeing and vulnerable and empowering and overwhelming and peaceful and devastating and beautiful—
That moment of claiming
Your own soul
And naming your own god.

Thank you, God of Transformation,
God of Hope, God of Community,
God of Open Doors,
For leading out of ill-fit places
Into the widest vistas.

I may walk this path awhile—
Yes, to see where it leads,
But more to see
How I am changed
By the way the sunlight falls.

Summer dreams
Are green with hope
That feels eternal.
It’s natural to mourn
When that promise falls
And leaves our egos
Stripped and bare,
No matter how
Beautiful the change
Or the dazzling
Crystal futures
That await us.

You are already over the edge.
Decision made.
Hesitate now and you’ll fall.
Follow through
With your leap of faith.
This is the instant
When fear will grab you
If you let it.
Don’t.
Feel the thrill instead.

Before here,
When vying for parts,
Maybe everyone called dibs
To be queen or empress
Until reading ahead
Where a guillotine drops
Into the script.
So we negotiated for
Plays within the play:
Opera, movies, TV, books,
Halloween nights,
Cosplay and costume balls
For donning royal gowns
Or villainous robes
With a pardon attached,
While we forget for a sec
The pressures of the role
We improvise daily.

After this soirée,
When you exit stage
Right into reality,
Maybe recall anew
The magnificence
Of meager lives
Dressed in mercy.

(costume de Vittelia
LA CLÉMENCE DE TITUS
musique: Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
mise en scène: Federik Mirdita
costumes: Géra Graf
Opéra national de Paris 1987)

There is room for everyone
To pioneer their own way.
Our trails will merge and diverge,
Our paces will match and split,
Our goals will coincide and contradict.
All is well.
I’m on a path to my own adventures,
And yours is lovely too.
We can exchange tales,
Appreciate the varied sights,
And learn more from separateness
Than from sameness.
All is well.